D GrayMan Dudes: In the Future
by kandaXlavi
Summary: This is my first D. Gray-Man parody/humor story It's about the dudes of D. Gray-Man--Allen, Lavi, Kanda, Krory and Komui being stuck in the future 0o what lies in store for them? R&R please thank you! Enjoy! XD


**D. Gray-Man Dudes: In the future**

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Starring: _(Main Characters)_---Allen Walker, Lavi, Kanda Yu, Arystar Krory and Komui Lee

_(Secondary Characters)_---Miranda Lotto, Reever Wenhamm, Lenalee Lee and other characters from the modern era

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**A fine, Sunday morning in the modern era.**

Allen: Err…. Where are we?

Lavi: _(Dazed) _Sa…What the heck just happened?

Krory: Ahhh! I only went into your _(points at Komui)_ office for a mission! Now where are we??? _(Cries dramatically)_

Kanda: _(Low voice)_ Che, wimp

Komui: ME? WHAT ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR?? WHERE'S LENALEEEEE?!? ITS TIME FOR MY COFFEE!!!

Everyone: _(sweat drops)_

Kanda: _(rolls eyes)_ Another wimp. Che.

Lavi: Ok… Let's not panic and just… walk around and ask for directions ok?

Everyone: _(nods)_

**Everything was so new to the exorcists. Normal sun and trees…But everywhere, super-tall structures towered into the sky and many people scurried about, wearing simple (and weird) garments. It was nothing like they'd ever seen before. **

**Fast-paced and compact metal machines raced past them on black lanes **_**(occasionally splashing puddle water at them)**_**. People stared at them with every step they took, then withered away under Kanda's glares.**

Lavi: Pftthhllfpth!! Aw man! I'm soaked!!! There goes my image! How am I gonna attract any girls??? I'm not walking here!

_(Goes off to walk beside Komui, as far as possible from the road)_

Allen: What's with these people? They don't look very friendly…

Krory: Nah… They just need you friendly neighborhood exorcist to loosen their tongue. You need to be charming, see_…(Looks around and spots someone)_ Now, watch and learn…

Krory goes over to a young woman, who had just exited a grocery store.

Krory: Hello! May I ask where we are? You see…we're lost and…OOH! IS THAT BLOOD??? I'M HUNGRY!

Krory tries to pull out a strawberry jam jar from her bag.

Grocer lady: AHHHHH!!!! GET OFF ME YOU SICKO!!! HELP!!! MOLESTER!!! _(Starts hitting every inch of Krory with her handbag)_

Komui and Kanda: So much for being charming

Lavi and Allen: Oh no… he's in trouble again.

Lavi: Hey, go save him, Allen-Kun

Allen: Me???

The two exorcists start playing rock, paper, scissors.

Kanda and Timcanpy: _(Sweatdrops)_

Lavi: Haha, I'm rock, I win. Go Allen go!

Allen!#&#$!!! 

Komui: Lenalee… _(Sniffles)_

Kanda: Shut up

Allen inches over carefully to the hysterical lady and tugs Krory out of the range of her flying handbag _(while getting some on his own head, too)_

Allen: _(rubs head repeatedly)_ Eh…hehe… err… I'm sorry about him haha _(nervous laugh)._ He's quite mad over… _(Looks at jam jar)_ strawberry jam! Yea… Sometimes he can't control himself and calls it blood!

Lady: Humph! How illogical! _(Walks away)_

Allen, Lavi and Krory: Fewh! _(Sigh in relief)_

Krory: I'm sorry Allen-kun… I'm so hungry see… you must be too, right? We're both parasite-types _(sniffles)_

Allen and Krory's tummies start grumbling.

_(Lavi, Kanda and Komui cover each other's ears)_

Kanda: Oi, idiot! What are you doing?? 

Komui: What??? You're covering my left ear and Lavi's covering my right, so I'll cover yo—

Kanda: Shut up, now let go! I'll cover my _own_ ears.

Lavi: Don't worry, Kuro-Chan… There's so many people here there's bound to akuma, ne?

Komui: GAAHHH!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I NEED MY COFFEE AND I NEED IT NOW!!! LEENAALEEEEEEEEE!!!!

**Komui dashes off through the crowd, pushing them aside as if they were bowling pins.**

Lavi and Allen: Komui waaiiittt!!!

Kanda: Che, the loss of a wimp. What's all the fuss? Che. I can find my own way. Having a naiveté, usagi and moyashi won't help at all… _(Walks off through the crowd)_

Allen: Eh?… _(Thinks back to what Kanda said) _

IT'S AAALLLLLLEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!

Lavi and Krory: Aw crap, now _he's_ gone…

**The three of them walk on, surveying the sights so new to them. Krory leads the pack.**

Krory: Wahh!! That's so cute!! How much is it?

**Krory halts abruptly by a stall and looks down at a couple of stuffed plush dolls. Lavi, walking just behind him, smashes his nose into his back, followed by Allen who smashes **_**his**_** nose into Lavi's back.**

Lavi and Allen: YYYYEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!

Lavi: _(Rubs sore nose and speaks thickly)_ Ne, Alleb-kub…Kanda's righb you doe…We shoulb really keep an eye on Kuro-Chan…He really _is_ naïve…

_(Both stare at Krory, who's trying to buy ten fake watches)_

Allen: Yea, yea… Lavi, I don't doe where we are righb dow… Any ideas?

Lavi: Well… Based od the facts, I'd say we're id…

Allen and Lavi: THE FUTURE!!!

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**In a graffiti-filled underpass, somewhere downtown**

Kanda: Hmm… what perverse drawings. How on Earth is this even allowed?

_(Stares at piece of graffiti depicting a skimpily-clad woman)_

**A young man about Kanda's age walks up to him. He was clad in a white tank top, a denim jacket and denim skinny jeans with a cigarette stick between his index and forefinger. His spiked up hair was shocking pink, with fire-red tips.**

Hippie: Tch. It's art, dude… it's life… _(Takes a long draw from his cigarette, then puffs a plume of smoke at Kanda's face)_

Kanda: _(coughs)_ _Koff! Hakk! Koff! Koff!_

Cut it out, pink bastard.

Hippie: _(ignores Kanda's remark)_ Yo, dude. Nice suit. Where'd ja get that from? _(Puffs more smoke out)_

Kanda; Get lost, baka. _(Takes Mugen out)_

Hippie: Aw, come on… that's fake, right?

Kanda slices a rubbish bin in half spilling out a heck of a lotta rubbish, just to vent a little of his anger _(that smoke really did cloud up his mind)_

**The hippie's face is alight with awe.**

Hippie: Waaaaa!!! That's a pretty sharp baby, man. Care to sell me that sword? I've got ice…

_Author's note: The hippie's talking about ice, which is a much sought-after drug. However, this wasn't available in the 18__th__ century yet (the exorcist's era) and Kanda mistakes him for talking about ice frozen water_

_Now let's get on with the story!! XD_

Kanda: _(thinks)_ My Mugen for ice??? My Mugen??? He's saying my Mugen is as good as ice???

Kanda: DAMN YOU!!! _(Starts swishing his sword around and it slashes the hippie's hair off, leaving him with a bald head)_

Hippie: GAAAHH!!! MY HAIR!!! OH MY GOD YOU MAD DAWG YOU!!! HEEEELLLLLPPPP!!! _(Sprints off, covering his bald head)_

Then, police surround Kanda with their revolvers aimed at him.

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Now with Komui in his quest for Lenalee

Komui: LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAAAALEEEEEEEEE!!! Where are youuu??? I need my cofffeeeeeeeeee!!!

Suddenly, he spots a woman in front of him with long, teal hair… and looking a little fatter.

Komui: Lenalee!! There you are! I've been searching all over for you!! I've had a rough day… I was ordering the science crew around when all of a sudden this bright white light enveloped me. BWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I MISSED YOU!!! _(Pauses for a moment) _and my coffee!!!

Lenalee look-a-like: Err… I think you've got the wrong person. My name isn't Nenalee-or whatever.

Komui looks up and down the woman. He realizes that she has a big belly implying that she was pregnant.

Komui: OH MY GOD LENALEE!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!? WHO DID-WHO MADE YOU-?!? AAARRRGGHHHH!!! I DON'T REMEMBER RAISING SUCH A BRAZEN HARLOT!!! TELL ME THE UNBORN CHILD'S FATHER!!! I SHALL KILL HIM WITH KOMURINN--- _(pauses again)_ KOMURIN FIVE!!!!

Lenalee look-a-like stares at the mad man raving about octopuses, Komurins _(what's that???)_ and her being a bad younger sister, then edges away slowly from the madman. She takes a baseball bat from a shop and…

Komui: _(still raving)_ LENALEE HOW COULD YOU!!! _(Suddenly notices the baseball bat)_ W-wait a s-second. Are y-you going to d-do what I th-think you're g-going to do???

BOOOOOONNNNNKKKKKK!!! 

Komui: Y-yea… you d-did… _(Slumps onto the ground unconscious)_

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Back with Krory, Lavi, Allen and Timcanpy

A loud, ear-shattering noise pierced through the air from above. The droning was so loud and alien to Krory, Lavi and Allen that they covered their ears. Timcanpy uses its wings to cover its head.

Lavi: _(Shocked face)_ Eh? Timcanpy you have ears???

_(Timcanpy bites his head)_

Allen: Huuuaaarrrgggghhhh!! What's that awful noise???

Lavi: I dunnoe!!! Hey! Your golem bit my head dammit!!!

Krory: There it is!!! Up there!! An akuma finally! Wow, what a weird shape. It looks like a bird!

**An aeroplane was flying high above them, in the sky. Krory gets all excited.**

Krory: AH! Finally a meal at last! _(Starts leaping up into the air, then slams onto the ground_)

Krory: YYOOOWWCCHHHH!!!!

_(Krory leaps a couple of times, slamming into the ground each time)_

Lavi, Allen and Timcanpy: _(Sweatdrops)_

Krory: Perhaps I should take the stairs… _(Rubs sore butt, arm and nose)_

**He runs off into a mall after spotting a black staircase, then rushes onto it. Then, he freezes. He's not moving, but he's still going up!**

Krory: WOW! A MOVING STAIRCASE!!!

People on the escalator: _(stare)_

Krory: _(face goes red)_ Err... hehe! _(Gulps)_ Such hostility…

**Krory reaches the top floor of the mall, where a cinema is situated. He looks up and through the skylight, he spots the aeroplane. Unfortunately, he's standing next to a Dracula movie poster.**

Little kid with lollipop: HEY LOOK!!! IT'S THE DRACULA ACTOR!!! THERE! THERE! BY HIS OWN POSTER!!!

**A huge crowd rushes up to Krory.  
**

Big fan: Wahhh Dracula I love you!!! Give me your autograph!!!

Paparazzi: Hey! Come and say cheese for the camera!

Krory: **HIKKK**!!! What's going on??? Oh! Oh! I have fans!!!

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**On to Lavi and Allen in the Town Square**

Lavi: Haaahhh… Allen-Kun… How did we lose those three again…?

Allen: And I thought _I_ was the pro at getting lost…

Lavi: Ehhh…??? What's this?

**Lavi and Allen are stuck in the middle of a cosplay parade. Not that the two of them Timcanpy know anything about that though!**

Lavi and Allen: Waaaahhhh!!!! Look at these people! They're dressed in weirder clothes! There's big balloons too!

**A flock of cosplay fans rush towards them.**

Fangirl1: Wah… The both of you are so hot!!! Nice coats! Which anime are you from?

Fangirl2: Yea yea.. I've never seen your type before… What's this? _(Tries to catch the flying Timcanpy)_ Awww it's sooo cute!!!!

**Suddenly, Lavi spots the huge shinigami balloon (**_**shinigami is that scary death god from Death Note**_**) and screams…**

Lavi: AHHH!! AKUMA!!! ALLEN-KUN!!! ITS AN AKUMA UP THERE!!!

**Allen breaks away from his adoring fans.** (_Why do they adore me that much anyway? And what's cosplay and anime?) _

Allen: Innocence activate!!!

**A giant claw materializes from his left arm.**

Allen: Stay back, people! I shall bring salvation to this akuma and save all of you!!

Silence

Timcanpy and Lavi sweatdrop as everyone stare at them.

Fanboy: Cool special effects, man!!!

(_Outbreak of agreed murmurs of "Yea! That's so cool!" and "How'd he do that?")_

Allen: _(sweatdrops)_ S-special wh-what???

Lavi: Oudzuchi Koudzuchi!!! Man, man, man!

Lavi brings down his hammer onto the shinigami balloon.

**POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!**

Lavi grins at everyone, then spots a tall, leggy beauty with blue eyes and straight, blonde hair. She had a clipboard in one hand and another hand was over her mouth. 

Lavi: S-S-STRIKE!!! _( Hearts appear on his eyes)_

He brushes his hand through his hair, then zooms over to her. 

Lavi: Hehe, hi there the name's Lavi and I've just saved you

Blondie: _(Silence)_ S-s-saved m-me?

Lavi: Yup! So… Are you free toni—

Blondie: DAMN-YOU!!! OH-MY GOD-YOU-IDIOT-I-SPENT-THREE-THOUSAND-BUCKS-ON-THAT-THING!!!!

With every word, she bashed him with her clipboard.

Allen and Timcanpy: _(sweatdrops)_

Allen: Looks like she's the manager… let's get outta here! Heh, I saved Krory just now… You're on your own Lavi-san! _(Turns to leave, grinning at Lavi all the while)_

Lavi: Yow! Allen-kun!!!! Yaaahhh!!! Cut it out already!!!

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**Kanda's still attacking and slashing everything in sight and Krory, from the fifth floor of the mall, spots him.**

Krory: Oh no! Kanda! They're not akuma!! My teeth doesn't sense them as akuma!! Stop, they're innocent people!

Krory's screams fall on deaf ears. His 'fans' are puzzled.

Krory: Arrggghh!!! I must save them from Kanda's madness!!

Krory runs towards an open window and leaps from it. Down…down…down he goes…

Passer-by: Ahhhh!!! There's a suicider!! Suicider!!!

A crowd appears near the site where Krory's about to land.

Krory: _(after landing, unhurt)_ Please give way, brave citizens! There's a madman I have to stop.

Man: The only madman is you. _(Krory---shocked face)_ How'd you survive that fall, man?

Krory: _(losing patience)_ Darn… What's with these weird people… OUT OF THE WAY!!!

Krory rushes to the chief police surrounding Kanda.

Krory: Excuse me sir. My name is Arystar Krory the third, parasite-type exorcist. I believe my partner- well I wouldn't consider him as a friend mostly due to him not teaching me the proper way to eating soba- (takes deep, deep breath) anyway Kanda Yu is in there and is attacking for reasons unknown. I'm sure that he might have mistaken all of you to be akuma. We are lost in this alien-like world and he is bound to be a little muddle-headed. You see…

_(Krory rambles on about being stuck in the future)_

Police1: What's this nutter saying?

Police2: Akuma? Exorcists? Alien-world?

_(The police exchange knowing glances and make a circular motion with their index finger next to their heads)_

Police3: They're nuts alright. Look at their weird coats. Must be mad fans from that cosplay parade. ALRIGHT MEN BRING OUT THE TEAR GAS!!!

**The men-in-blue bring out tear gas and spray it at the unsuspecting exorcists.**

Krory: AAACCCKKKKK!!!! MY EYES!! IT'S LIKE SQUASHING ONIONS INTO THEM!!!

Kanda: Gyaaaarrgghhh!!! Damn! How would you know that? Have you squashed onions your eyes???

Krory:…Well… There was something about those little circle things that can refresh your eyes…

Kanda: THAT'S CUCUMBERS YOU MORON!!!

Krory: Reason two of not calling Kanda Yu a friend…

Kanda: What did you say???

**The police grab the two teary-and-blur-eyed exorcists and haul them into a waiting police car nearby.**

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**Cosplay Parade**

**More police are dispatched to the cosplay parade, where Allen and Lavi are.**

Allen: Hey! Let me go!! What's going on?!? I didn't do anything!!!

Lavi: Thanks for saving me from that girl, man _(Withers under Allen's angry stare)_ Err, I mean… Hey!! What're you capturing me for?!?

Policeman: Tch, you must be another hardcore cosplay fan just like the other two eh? So nuts till that raven-haired kid started attacking some hippie.

Lavi and Allen: KANDA!

Policeman: See! You know him! Quit struggling! Fine you asked for it. _(Takes out a little dart gun and shoots their necks)_

Lavi: Oh my god… This is so déjà vu…Bleeecchhh… _(Collapses on the policeman)_

Allen: Hey… Isn't that K-Komui's… _(Faints in his captor's arms)_

**All four are bundled away to…**

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**Prison cell**

Allen: Urr… _(Wakes up dazed) _Ok, Timcanpy you can stop munching at my head now.. I'm awake you know…

Krory: Ahh! Allen you're awake! We're reunited!! _(Hugs him reeaaallllyyy tightly)_

Allen: Gakkk! K-Kror-y-S-san! I'm gl-ad t-too! B-but I can't breathe!

Krory lets go and Allen falls onto the floor.

**THUUDD!!!**

Lavi: Ne, Allen-Kun. Look who's in the opposite cell.

Allen gets up, rubbing his butt and his eyes widen in shock.

Komui is in that cell being strapped in a madman straitjacket.

Allen: B-but wh-why?

Kanda: Che. Just listen to him. What kind of Black Order supervisor is that?

Allen turns around.

Allen: Eh? I didn't realize you were here too, Kanda. Hehehe you really blend in with the cell wall, eh?

Kanda: Che. There's a lot of blue, white and black graffiti here moyashi. It's art.

Allen just stares at him, confused at whatever the heck he was talking about.

Komui: LENALEEE!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! I WANT MY COFFEE!! I WANT TO GET MY KOMURIN TO ANNIHILATE THE MONSTER THAT DID THAT TO YOU!!! LENALEE!!!

Lavi, Allen and Krory: No wonder... _(Sweatdrops)_

Allen: Sa… What are we supposed to do…

Kanda: Break out of here.

Lavi: No way. The security's pretty high here.

Krory: Oh, yes I almost forgot. The prison warden told me we might have to stay here for three months for---

Lavi and Allen: **WHHHHHAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!?**

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**Black Order's Headquarters: Komui's Office**

Reever: There you go! It's done, Miranda. I hope this is good enough.

Miranda: Oh! Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! Thank you so much for fixing Time Record! I hope it's fully functional once more…

Reever: Yea, then you can bring those lost sheep from the future.

Lenalee: Yes, Miranda-San. I hope Komui Nii-san is okay… It was his coffee break five hours ago. I wonder what will happen when he hasn't had his coffee…

Miranda: Alright, here I g-go!

Reever and Lenalee: Good luck!

Miranda activates her innocence and disappears into a huge ball of light with clocks covering every single space on it.

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**In the prison cell**

Miranda tumbles out of the light filling every nook and cranny of the cell and lands on a sleeping Kanda.

Kanda: OOOFFF!!! Get off me!

Miranda: I'm sorry! It was an accident! I'm here to bring all of you back! _(Gets up, trips on the bed's leg stand and falls onto the floor)_

Krory, Lavi and Allen: HOORAY!!! WE'RE SAVED!!!

Miranda: Let's go! Yoww.. What's this??? _( Peels off a squashed Timcanpy from a spot on the floor where she landed)_

She activates her Time Record and they all step into it. There's a whirlwind of blinding light and colour and they all land on Komui's table.

Reever: GAAAAAHHHH!!! I'd just neatly stacked all those letters!!! _(Stares at the spot where five three-meter tall stacks of papers once stood)_ Now they're messed up again!!! _(Sobs all over the place)_

Lenalee pats his back.

Allen, Krory and Lavi: HURRRAAAAYYYY WE'RE BAAACCCKKKK!!!

Kanda: Che. Now what's this doing in my coat??? _(Pulls out a struggling Timcanpy, which flies off)_

Allen: Ne, ne… Reever-San.. What happened to us??

Reever: _(Wipes tears)_ Miranda's Time Record had a little…malfunction. Rest assured, it wouldn't happen again.

Miranda: So.. How was the future?

Kanda exits the office for some soba in the canteen.

Lavi, Krory, Timcanpy and Allen stare at her with eyes wide as saucepans, _(wait, Timcanpy has eyes???)_ then they all slam to the ground.

Miranda: AHHHH!!! IT MUST HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE!!! I'M SO SSOOOORRRYYYY!!!!

Lavi, Allen and Krory: You don't know the half of it…

Lenalee: Err… Wait a second… I think there's someone missing…

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**Back in the prison cell**

Komui: Huuuaaaarrrggghhhh!!!! LENALEEEEE!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! I'M HUNGRY AND I WANT MY COFFEEEE!!!!

A prison warden enters.

PW: You're making too much noise for your own good… _(Takes out a dart gun)_

Komui: W-wait a sec-cond… Are y-you going to d-do what I th-think you're g-going to do??? H-hey that's m-my faint dart! Copycat!

PW: Whatever. _(Shoots his neck)_

Komui: Lenalee… he d-did… _(Passes out)_

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_Author's note: That concludes __**D. Gray-Man Dudes: In the future**__!!! Sorry if it's too long...(or too short if you think so)_

_I had no time to split them up 0o. I hope you enjoyed this parody, so do review XD_


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